inside-outside: metamorphosis

This is like knowing what you want to write, but not really being sure, if you should put down everything here....

This is my online diary..... This is me... I tell others..... well..hmm...ah ...Whom am I kidding..... This is just fiction...and I am just an author.... another writer....perhaps on one level just a character.... sometimes the protagonist.... I write about my life..... but I distort the truth.

That's fucking OK.... who doesn't distort the truth.....It's not like I am lying... I am not answerable to anyone who reads me here (or even elsewhere).... and even if I lie... My Lies don't hurt no one...

I dream and I live.....I live and I dream.... I dream about my life and probably I am also living a dream. Sometimes fun, sometimes funnier, sometimes sarcastic, sometimes black and sometimes melancholic, thats my dream and also my life. I dream about a different world where I transform into a snake....a snake that has legs.... many legs....and yet unable to walk or move......I just lie under a dead tree and all possible strange creatures come and mate with me....produce our offspring's and go away in few minutes.....somehow I don't enjoy sex with them.

This makes me a different man.... and different person. Someone who is not what he is and even if he is what is shown here......he is that in a very different sense all together.

I am a writers block.....I am that menopause that is probably more orgasmic than death..... I am his guilt and yet his passion.....I am not the poetry he once vouched by.... but instead I am that "Father" he never mentioned.... I control him the way I want to, the way he always wanted to be dominated....I use him in dark dingy corners of the city......

He brutally murders me daily; at least thats what he thinks, the fact is that I am immortal.....so is he....call us Siamese's twins.....or a father and son duo....I love him and he loves me....only that I love him more than he loves me..... we never tell each other that.... we just know it and we don't want even a small bit to change.

He still doesn't want to write about me. He is not yet sure, he is scared. But I will convince him.... if not that I will force him...he loves being submissive.... or may be he is just fooling everyone.....he knows what he does... he knows how he wants to do what he wants to do.....he knows how you will look at him, he knows what I will say...what you'd say..you'd do.... your actions and reactions....he is a super computer... he is his fathers son and they have not talked for ten years.....

Life is changing. And It's changing fast.